


Imprisoned

by hpfansazzy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-19 10:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22376164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpfansazzy/pseuds/hpfansazzy
Summary: Sirius Black is imprisoned and alone with his thoughts.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Imprisoned

He is alone and imprisoned. Sirius Black, responsible for the murders of James and Lily Potter. Technically innocent, but morally guilty. He as good as killed them.

The enormity of the loss of James envelops him yet again, and he cries out in agony. The other inmates scream back to him in response.

All positive thoughts and feelings have been sapped from him. He tries to clutch onto hopeful thoughts, like "I will get out of here someday soon", but it's almost impossible to hold onto them. It's like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.

James. Dead. His fault.

Lily. Dead. His fault.

Harry. Miserable. His fault.

Remus. Impoverished and lonely. His fault.

He thinks he can hear his mother taunting him. Her disappointing, good-for-nothing son.

He ought to be out there, doing everything he can to keep Harry safe and happy. That'd be the least he could do for James and Lily. But he can't even do _that_. Stupid, useless godfather. James must hate him now.

He wonders what it would feel like to have his soul sucked out.

The portraits are still screaming. He should probably go and shut them up, but he can't be bothered.

There may be no Dementors around Number 12, Grimmauld Place, but there might as well be. His own mind seems to be just as effective these days. It's as though a piece of Azkaban had lodged itself in his heart before he'd left the fortress.

He had thought he had escaped.

Of course, he had once thought that he had escaped from this place, too. How naïve he'd been. He lets out a bark of harsh laughter at the irony of it. He'd spent his whole damn childhood looking forward to the day when he'd finally be able to leave his parents' home. It was a cruel trick of fate that he'd finally found the family that he'd always wanted, in the Potters, and then after a few wonderful, shining years, it had all been stripped away from him. And now he's back in _this fucking house_ again. It's a small mercy that his parents are no longer here in the flesh. But the house reeks of them, every room and every piece of furniture a reminder of the family that he loathes and that had loathed him. Not to mention the insane muttering house-elf and the shrieking portraits.

It's his own fucking fault that he's trapped here; he had offered the damn place to Dumbledore for Headquarters. So he has only himself to blame for his misery. But it was the least that he could do to help, after he'd failed to look after Harry for fourteen years.

And he is still failing now. He can't protect Harry from that foul bitch Umbridge. And _fucking Snape_ is surely torturing Harry psychologically in those blasted Occlumency lessons. And Sirius is just sitting around here on his arse.

He doesn't deserve the title of 'godfather'.


End file.
